Soul Searching Session

Posted on Tue Jun 16th, 2020 @ 5:41pm by Alden Loxley & Jacob Lara

Mission: Fortune & Glory
Location: Fortune's Echo - Cockpit
Timeline: Day 5 - Newhall to Hera (Night)

Jacob hadn't been able to sleep well since the night of his discussion with Alden, and the subsequent talk with Alison. He kept going over and over everything in his mind, wondering how he could have been so stupid. He hadn't had an opportunity to talk to Tristan, either, which was only making the situation worse. He'd heard tell that Alden was probably going to be up in the cockpit this evening, doing his rotation as pilot, and so he decided to head up there and see if he could get a chance to talk to him now that they were both calmed down.

Stepping into the small area he cleared his throat, and then spoke, "Captain Loxley, is there any way I might be able to talk to you?"

He'd been doing the night shifts at the controls, just to keep out of the way and allow his temper to cool down. Alison had spoken to Jacob and Alden trusted her to handle that conversation well, he'd just had little interest in the other man's opinion. Situation was cut and dried in Alden's mind - Jacob was in the wrong - and debating points of view wouldn't change that. Not yet. Likely not ever.

With a heavy sigh as the other man's voice announced Jacob's presence behind him, Alden pushed down the vanished anger and reminded himself that, sooner or later, over the next week's travel, they'd need to speak to each other. Now was as good a time as any, it was late, most of the crew would be asleep and he was in a decent mood.

"Sure," he said, brightly and without sarcasm. "Come on in."

Jacob wasn't sure what he'd expected after the sigh, but a warm response telling him to enter wasn't it. "Thank you," he said, as he made his way in, and settled into a comfortable position against one of the consoles. He wasn't even sure how he wanted to proceed, and he was pretty sure his confusion, and his discomfort were painfully visible.

"I hope you really don't mind me being here, I just really needed to talk to you," he added, after a few moments of awkward silence had passed.

Alden kept his gaze focused out front, studying the darkness with its pinpricks of distant light beyond their tiny little physical presence out here between the worlds. He wasn't ignoring Jacob, neither was he in need of the forward visual in order to guide them closer to Hera. He was simply allowing the man the common decency of a little time to gather himself and settle, that was a courtesy Alden offered unconditionally.

"Mind?" Alden asked, and he raised an eyebrow as he reached down to pick up a bottle of water from under the main console. "You need to talk. I ain't going anywhere." He side-handed the sealed bottle across to Jacob, still not meeting his eyes.

Jacob took the bottle of water, and unsealed it, taking a healthy swig before he even tried to continue. He was nervous, and it had made his mouth dry. He honestly couldn't really remember the last time someone had made him nervous. Probably back at the Guild house, when he was getting ready to test had been the last time. Shaking those thoughts away he looked up at the man he was speaking with.

"I wanted to say two things, really, and we can talk about them, if you want, or I can just say my peace, and get out of your hair..." he said. "First off, I wanted to apologize to you, for more than just what happened between myself and Tristan. I wanted to apologize for how I handled you coming to speak to me. I intentionally went out of my way to make you uncomfortable, and that was wrong. I also allowed my own anger to get the better of me, and I was sarcastic and dismissive when it was clear you had a real issue that needed to be handled seriously, and with care."

Finally, Alden turned in the seat and quietly gifted Jacob his full attention. He didn't speak, mock or make any irritated facial expresions, but simply listened to the younger man. There were definite signs of nervousness, in both Jacob's voice and his mannerisms, which was new. Up until now, the companion had always held himself with unerring confidence, poise and grace, so the shift in his stance drew intrigued attention.

Alden waited until Jacob finished speaking before he said a single word, impassive expression lightly studying that handsome face and those dark eyes.

"Apology accepted," said the Captain, simply. And he took a long minute to brace himself for his next sentence. "I'm not sorry for the words I spoke to you," he said, with a brutally direct honesty, though his tone wasn't currently unkind. "I trusted you, Jacob. And you let me down. But I guess I'm a bit sorry I couldn't keep my temper under control." Though he had, to a point, since there hadn't been any punches thrown...

Jacob smiled a bit at that. He had actually been pretty impressed by the man's restraint. He could tell, while the incident was taking place, that he had wanted to do a hell of a lot more than hit him with harsh words. "Thank you, and what you just said, about the words, brings me to my second thing," he said.

"I want to thank you. And I mean that sincerely. I was an idiot, worse than an idiot, for what I did. I liked something about the guy, and instead of taking the time to get to know him, and make sure he was okay, and comfortable, and ready, I just let things get completely out of control. I acted like a braindead teenager with raging hormones. If it wasn't for you, and the way you blew up at me, I may never have really considered that. So, again, thank you," he added, looking the man dead in the eyes so he'd see how very serious he was.

It took the older man a little time to fully reconcile the words and the sentiment that Jacob was expressing, and Alden slowly let his brain wrap around the layered concept he was hearing. He'd been right? Well, yes, of course he had. But the guy was grateful? For being yelled and screamed at? Alden frowned. He opened his mouth, closed it again, then decided that first instinct was the right one.

"You're welcome," Alden said, still holding that air of mild confusion in both his expression and his tone. "Any time," he added, as he processed this unexpected gratitude.

"And yeah," continued Alden with a lopsided smile now. "You definitely acted like a braindead, hormonal idiot." A short sigh raised and lowered his shoulders. "I guess the last person I ever expected to do that, was you. But, hey." A lazy shrug. "Good to know that yelling at you helps."

He held Jacob's gaze until the younger man looked away.

"So," the Captain stated for the record. "We're good." It wasn't a question.

Jacob felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Nodding, and smiling faintly he looked out the front at the stars around them. "It's really pretty out here," he said. He wasn't sure how to proceed from there, but one thing was definitely still on his mind, and he figured there was no way around it but to ask. "Think I'll be getting to see much more of it?" he asked, hinting at the other man's demand that he remove himself from the ship as soon as they reached Hera.

He took a couple of gulps of water from his own bottle and Alden followed Jacob's outward gaze. It *was* real pretty, and despite the long hauls, he never really tired of staring out at the universe, all laid out and peaceful-like.

"Sure is," Alden acknowledged. Then he was silent for the longest time with no overt indication of whether this was intentionally delaying his response, or merely drifting internally with his own thoughts.

"I'd say there's a fair chance of that," he said, finally. Which wasn't a definite yes or not, far as the words implied.

Jacob looked down at the deck again, a grin broad across his face. "Fair enough," he said with his grin evident in his voice and took another swig out of his water bottle. Looking back up to stare out at the stars he smiled more broadly and stood quietly, content with the uneasy peace between them and the beautiful view.

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