Like a Sheep Dancing on Two Legs

Posted on Mon Feb 27th, 2023 @ 3:47pm by Daiyu & Kindra Graham

Mission: Home Sweet Wonderful Home
Location: Kindra's shuttle
Timeline: enroute to Ezra

The Echo was spaceborne now after leaving Three Hills. It was always quiet in the Black. Humming engines, knocking pipes, creaky catwalks... there were noises aplenty, but they couldn't drown out the deafening silence that often built into a crescendo between Daiyu's ears. Sometimes the pressure was enough to make her scream.

Other times it jolted her with sudden inspiration. Be it an unprompted desire or a mysterious impulse, she would find herself compelled nonetheless. Today, it sent her to the Companion's lodgings.

Standing barefoot in nothing but a thin silvery jumper, Daiyu gave the door a demure knock.

Kindra was at her cortex terminal preparing to send a wave to her stepmother, Margaret. She still wore the markings of James' beating. Her left eye was bruised, but no longer swollen. The loose, floor-length, blue dressing gown she wore not only hid the wrappings around her rib cage but was uncomplicated to get in and out of.

With Alison gone, Alden was the only regular visitor to her shuttle. So the tentative knock was unexpected. Kindra answered the door full of curiosity, and with a genuine smile. "What a pleasant surprise." And rare, Daiyu had never visited the shuttle before, at least while Kindra occupied it. She held the curtain aside and motioned Daiyu in. With the shuttle's cockpit and facilities curtained off, the Inside looked like a sumptuous bedroom hung with wall hangings, the floor covered by a soft rug, all in coordinated warm, rich colors. The most notable furnishings included a double bed to one side and a sofa with a low table. "Come on in and take a seat on the sofa if you'd like. Shall I make us a pot of tea?"

"Yes." The word was said graciously if simple and bland in tone. As Kindra played at hostess, Daiyu watched her keenly. "I am sorry you got taken. Did they hurt you bad?" The tenor of her question left it vague and open-ended as to the nature of "hurt" and how bad it could be.

Kindra set the kettle to boil, then from a compartment beneath the table, she took out a simple teapot, two matching cups and saucers, and a wrapped tea brick. With practiced ease, Kindra broke a chunk off the brick and dropped it into the pot, then re-wrapped the brick, just as the kettle boiled. "I was hurt, yes. My ribs will take several weeks to heal." Kindra poured hot water in the teapot, sat on the sofa, and smiled warmly at the other woman. She was accustomed to Daiyu's appearance, so usually she didn't notice her scars, though in her sleeveless silvery dress more of her skin and scars were visible. Kindra gave Daiyu a long look; thoughtful and kind. "Full healing may take some time."

"Your dress covers it up," Daiyu observed. Then, looking down at her hands and forearms, she said meekly, "My only memory is work clothes. I... I don't know how to wear a dress." Her eyes looked up, barely visibly beneath her eyebrows. "Not a pretty one like Companions wear."

Forehead creased, Kindra attempted to parse a question from Daiyu's words. Did she want to cover up her scars with a dress? The experience with assembling Daiyu's aeroponic garden had taught Kindra that Daiyu's reaction to an offer of help was unpredictable and caution was needed. Gently, Kindra said, "I would very much like to help you. But it's not clear to me what you're asking."

The look on Daiyu's face suggested that neither did she know what she was asking. "Could you show me how to wear a dress?" Thoughts flashed through her mind, but she kept them close to her chest.

"Yes." Kindra poured the tea into Daiyu's cup and hers, then settled onto the other side of the sofa from Daiyu with her cup and sipped the musky-sweet Darjeeling. She considered several ways to interpret how to wear a dress. "Do you have a particular dress in mind?"

Daiyu gave a shrug. "What dress looks prettiest? Pretty dresses make men act differently."

Kindra considered. "I don't quite agree. A dress is just… clothing, you know? A dress can't change the way a man acts… unless that man is the one wearing the dress." She gave Daiyu an impish smile, then said more seriously, "Different clothing does change your appearance, and many people – men included – are influenced by appearance. More importantly, a pretty dress might change the way you feel about yourself and help you feel more confident." Kindra sipped her tea and started a mental inventory of dresses she owned that might fit Daiyu. "Is there a particular man you want to act in a different way?"

After thinking for a moment, Daiyu shrugged again. "All of them. Men look at me like a monster. Or a victim. Or prey. Men don't look at you that way. Except for the man who stole you away, I suppose, but you had other men come rescue you." She looked away, eyes downcast, her lips biting back emotion until she could steel herself again. "How do you feel when you wear pretty dresses?"

So much to unpack there, Kindra took a few moments to consider her response. Alden definitely saw Daiyu as a victim, someone he needed to rescue and protect. Chloe had seen Daiyu as a monster, and with good reason. Alison had seen Daiyu as both monster and victim. Although she believed Daiyu played a significant role in both Alison and Chloe leaving, Kindra tried not to apply labels to people, and preferred to listen in those rare moments when Daiyu showed her who she was. "The most important thing is how you see yourself. If you see who you are clearly, others will too."

Kindra tipped back her tea and set the cup down. "I think you should find out how you feel when you wear a pretty dress. Would you like to try on a few of my dresses? Depending on the cut, some will be too small through the bust, or too long, and we may need to look through my trunk in the cargo bay to find something you like. It'll be fun." She gave Daiyu an encouraging smile. "If you want to, that is."

"I want to." Daiyu nodded. "Then maybe I will want to see myself more." She absently spread her hands over the grapevine scars along her bare arms. "I don't know my size. Before... at the Monastery... I just wore robes like everyone else." Whatever was before that remained unsaid.

At the Monastery - reassuring confirmation that Kindra was currently dealing with Daiyu's childlike personality, the one she presented most often. It suddenly occurred to Kindra that dressing differently might trigger one of Daiyu's other personalities. Like the violent one, eager to mutilate and kill with her bare hands, the one that terrified Chloe. She could be loitering just below Daiyu's placid surface. And yet, Kindra wanted to help this Daiyu, the one who asked.

Kindra went to her trunk and selected three dresses, each very different, and laid them on the bed. The first was a paisley print in shades of blue, calf length with long sleeves and a belt that she'd thought suitable to wear on a shopping trip into Three Hills. The second was a sexy red cocktail dress, mid-thigh length, sleeveless and low-cut, made of a soft body-hugging fabric. The last was a formal evening gown, shimmery forest green with a fitted bodice and billowing knee-length skirt. "You can try these on if you want. But first, how do these dresses make you feel? Is there a style or color that appeals to you more?"

As Daiyu swept her eyes over the options, her face displayed a myriad of reactions. Her gaze first fell on the shimmering green gown, captivated as though her eyes couldn't track the sparkles. A smile carried over as she considered the red cocktail dress. Her brow shot up as she imagined herself in it, widening her almond eyes and darkening her cheeks with dark crimson blushing that complimented the dress. Her eyes darted over to the long-sleeved paisley print dress and stopped short. The blush left her face as her eyes turned solemn. Fingers brushed one sleeve down to the end and gave it a tug. No scars would be visible with this one. But the pattern. Something about it spoke to her. Her fingers moved from the sleeve to the body of the dress and traced the intricate patterns as if following a maze.

"This one..." Daiyu said absently, deep in thought. "I... I think she used to wear one like this." But then she looked back to the shimmery gown. "But it was this color." She spared only a glance at the cocktail dress, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Can I try them all?" She looked back at Kindra and subdued her burst of excitement with a demure disposition. "If you please..."

Not for the first time, Kindra wondered which of Daiyu's personalities was at the forefront of her consciousness when she spoke of herself in third person. "Yes, of course you can try them all. Would you, uh... like some privacy while you change?" Kindra gestured to the curtain that hid the shuttle's cockpit. "I could step into the cockpit, or wait outside the door, if you would feel more comfortable."

But before Kindra could finish talking, Daiyu was already disrobed down to her nethers as if she had been alone. The scars on her face were ghastly, but they were nothing compared to the jagged tissue that marred what would have been a comely petite physique.

"I'm sorry, you were saying?" asked Daiyu as she took up the blue paisley print dress. "I think I want to try this one first." She stood hesitant, holding the dress in front of her as if studying a puzzle. "Like this?" She tried to slide her hands into the sleeves.

Kindra maintained her companion's serene smile and took in the myriad of scars on Daiyu's body without any outward sign of reaction. Most medical facilities were capable of repairing injuries with minimal scaring, and hospitals on the core planets could remove scars completely. Though it was impossible for Kindra to guess what had befallen Daiyu, to her the scars spoke of extreme medical neglect, or intention.

With calm gentleness, Kindra showed Daiyu how to prepare the dress she held in her hands before she put it on. "First, I'll unbuckle the belt. Then, open the zipper down the front. Next, I can help you pull it on over your head."

"Hao de," Daiyu said as she followed Kindra's directions. It wasn't long before directions were unnecessary though. Muscle memory seemed to guide her. Once the dress was fitted, Daiyu gave the sleeves a final tug and then placed her hands on her hips. "How do I look?"

"In that dress I think your appearance suggests you are an intelligent, capable, self-assured, and reputable young woman," said Kindra, smiling. She pulled aside a curtain on the wall to reveal a three-quarter length mirror. "Also pretty. How do you feel, wearing it?"

Daiyu looked in the mirror and froze. Who was that woman? She looked smart. She looked like someone with a family and a career and... and... maybe an office or something. "I feel different," she whispered loudly. Her eyes went adrift, but her shoulders squared up as her back straightened. Even her feet pivoted while she assumed a different posture. "Results," she whispered quietly, closing her eyes as if recalling a dream. "Need results."

Eyes fluttering open, Daiyu suddenly felt panicked. "Hot!" she gasped. "So hot!" And she began clawing at the belt and the zipper to shred the garment as fast she could.

If she were any other young woman behaving this way, Kindra would have stepped in immediately to assist with the zipper and belt. But this was Daiyu, and Kindra knew well enough that if one of Daiyu's violent personalities controlled her actions, Kindra's flesh could be the next thing shredded. Kindra backed away toward the shuttle's door, and raised the volume of her voice but kept her tone gentle and soothing. "Mei mei, you must calm yourself. You are safe here. It is only a dress."

Seams screeched as Daiyu rent the garment apart and tore it from her body. After a moment, she just stood there, breathing heavily in an apparent hot flash. When she looked down at the ripped fabric around her feet, she slowly raised her chin just enough to make eye contact with Kindra. Her hair draped wildly about her shoulders, obscuring much of her naked form.

"I'm sorry... I ruined your pretty dress..."

"It was only a dress. You are more important." Kindra took a step toward Daiyu, but maintained her distance for the moment. "You seemed to lose control. Are you all right now?"

Daiyu shook her head in confusion. "I don't know. Memories... it hurts to remember." She looked at the tattered dress with sadness. In fact, she was so focused on it that she did not seem aware that she was naked again. "Can I try another?" She looked at the two remaining dresses and then at Kindra. "No, I should go..." Her eyes began darting about looking about for her jumper.

"Your silver dress is on the floor beneath your feet, under the pieces of the blue dress." Kindra regarded Daiyu with trepidation, but it appeared the child-like personality was back. As a companion, Kindra was trained in psychology, but she was completely out of her depth with this woman's condition. And yet, Alden made Daiyu part of the crew, and he loved Daiyu unconditionally. Alden was so fully committed to protecting her that he put Daiyu before Alison. As far as Kindra knew, Alden never held Daiyu accountable for her actions, and if Daiyu had attacked her just now… well.

"It appears that trying on the blue paisley dress was an unpleasant experience for you, Daiyu. Please, take the other two dresses with you. As a gift. Try them on later, when you're feeling more relaxed. Perhaps you might try holding a dress in front of you in the mirror and imagine what it would be like to wear it. Before you put it on."

Clambering back into her jumper, Daiyu kept bobbing her head in both affirmative and negative gestures. "Yeah, no... yeah, maybe later. I'll... I'll just be going..." She had a brief moment of clarity where her gaze lingered on Kindra, their brown eyes meeting in a short but poignant connection. "Thank you..."

"I want to help you-" but - the word caught in her throat and spun like the barrel of a revolver. Alone-time with Daiyu was like a game of Russian roulette, a one-in-six chance for a cartridge in the chamber. This time it was not pointed at her when it fired. Kindra swallowed hard. It was a risk she'd accepted, making her home on 'Echo, and she truly did wish to help Daiyu. "You're welcome to come back when you're ready."

Daiyu nodded again, this time firmly without shaking her head. "I'd like that... xiè xie." And then she marched toward the shuttle's exit with her shoulders squared, high, and tight. The two dresses were folded and pressed against her chest like treasures.

Kindra waited until Daiyu had left her shuttle, then she began gathering up pieces of the blue paisley dress.